


And then Buffy Staked Edward

by jujuberry136



Series: Reid/Ziva [4]
Category: Criminal Minds, NCIS
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Twilight Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-09
Updated: 2011-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-19 11:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujuberry136/pseuds/jujuberry136
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And Buffy would stake Edward, the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And then Buffy Staked Edward

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://alkja.livejournal.com/profile)[**alkja**](http://alkja.livejournal.com/) and [](http://ambrosia4all.livejournal.com/profile)[**ambrosia4all**](http://ambrosia4all.livejournal.com/), who requested Reid/Ziva and Twilight ranting. As the title implies, Twilight fans beware. This fic is not kind to the series.

Tony knew the night had been going too well. Homemade dinner at Ziva’s followed by a movie night? After the week they’d had, add in a dripping wet Charlize Theron and it would have been perfect. He hadn’t even made a comment about the obvious canoodling going on next to him.

But Ziva’s geeky boy-toy just had to take advantage of the lull after the movie had ended. He just had to ask.

“Did you really just ask me if I’ve seen Twilight?” Tony asked, pinching himself in the hopes he’d nodded off before Dorothy had made it back to Kansas (how Ziva had missed watching “The Wizard of Oz” was beyond him. Wasn’t it a law somewhere that everyone had to have seen it at least once?).

“It’s a books series,” Geeky boy-toy informed him seriously. “We had a case a while back with an unsub who believed she was a vampire and it came up. And I noticed today that apparently it’s a movie series? And you watch a lot of movies, so I figured you might have seen it.”

Tony pinches himself again, just to make sure he’s not dreaming. “Why do you want to know if I’ve seen it?”

McGee giggled from across the room. “Notice how he didn’t deny having seen it?” he said between gasping breaths. Abby high-fived him shamelessly from her perch on Ziva’s piano bench.

Traitors, the both of them.

Tony can’t tell if the look on Geeky boy-toy’s face is utter sincerity or one of the best poker faces he’s seen in a while. He would normally assume the former, but he’s heard stories about the kid’s poker game. And then there’d been that show in the interrogation room a while back.

“I was hoping you could help me understand its place in pop culture,” Geeky boy-toy replied. “ After the case, I read the series in case they were pertinent for another investigation, but I’m afraid I don’t quite understand the appeal.”

“I guess it’s because despite looking like a 14 year old girl, you aren’t one,” Tony replied without thinking. Ziva punched him before he had a chance to take it back. Damnit, she hit harder when buzzed – that was just not fair!

“Young adult fiction is actually enjoyed by a wide-range of readers,” Geeky boy-toy said, apparently unperturbed by the teenage girl crack. Or maybe his honor had been avenged by Ziva already? Tony didn’t pretend to understand their weird and still utterly confusing relationship. “And Garcia informed me that Twilight’s readership and viewership goes beyond adolescent females – apparently there’s a group called Twi-moms? She didn’t go into too much more detail or I’d tell you more.”

Tony looked at his empty beer despairingly. He was not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. “It’s popular because the main character is this supposedly average girl who a really hot vampire and a really hot werewolf fight over. It’s the classic good-girl wants bad guy thing.”

Geeky boy-toy looked confused. “It just seems there are better examples to be found in literature and popular culture.”

“But do they have vampires and werewolves?” Tony couldn’t resist snarking.

“Buffy does,” Ziva replied.

“You know I read a fascinating article the other week,” Geeky boy-toy started to respond, but Tony wasn’t going to let anything distract him from this glance into Ziva’s knowledge of popular culture.

“But Buffy didn’t have nearly the same wide-spread success,” Tony replied. “Guess that means Twilight must be better, right Zee-vah?”

“That’s what I don’t understand,” Geeky boy-toy replied exasperatedly, not allowing Ziva to reply. “The book was fairly mediocre – and definitely abused purple prose. But I can understand the audience overlooking poor prose if the characters are engaging and original. But they aren’t.” Geeky boy-toy looked betrayed. “The main character is almost blank and she had little agency. Meyers gives her a single flaw – clumsiness – but few deep characterizations. Her only hobby appears to be self-harm and cooking for her father. And given her attraction for Edward, it’s entirely possible she has an Electra complex.”

“The novels all had some disturbing undertones of emotional abuse from Edward as well,” he continued. “Watching Bella while she sleeps? Having her kidnapped? Removing the engine from her car to prevent her from seeing friends? If you were investigating a crime, he’d be your first suspect!”

Ziva was still glaring. “Buffy would stake Edward, the end.”


End file.
